Video Transcript
[0:00] Welcome to Caregiver SOS by Bay Alarm Medical. I’m caregiving expert Haley Burress. This is a special collection episode, revisiting one of the toughest topics we hear about — aging parents who won’t listen or accept help.
[0:27] The majority of older adults want to age in place in their home for as long as possible. However, chronic conditions like Parkinson’s disease, in your dad’s case, make staying at home nearly impossible.
[0:32] If you are the healthcare Power of Attorney, and that has kicked in due to your dad being unable to make good decisions on his own behalf, you can choose to move him into senior living, even though that wasn’t necessarily his long-term plan. It’s safer for him to be around 24-hour caregiver support, and he’ll likely thrive in a social community environment.
[1:02] If your Power of Attorney has not kicked in and your dad is still making his own decisions, you’ll want to involve his primary care physician. Often, a doctor won’t mind being the “bad guy” and actually prescribing senior living as the safest and best option. Your dad might be sad and angry, but you just have to support him through the move and give him time to settle in.
[1:34] Unfortunately, we can’t make our aging parents do anything. This is perhaps the most frustrating part of being an adult child. We understand that a certain treatment or intervention might help our loved one, but they said no, and they’re digging in their heels.
[1:36] You can get your loved one’s doctor involved to see if they can write a prescription for physical therapy and a walker, and maybe your mom will listen to their expert advice. However, she might not, and you have to be ready for that possibility.
[1:50] You can continue to give your mom the facts about physical therapy and how it prevents falls. You can continue to remind her how scary it is when she falls, and how using a walker can prevent it from happening again. You can even have your siblings or other trusted family members bring the topic up to her.
[2:03] But when it comes down to it, if your mom is able to make her own decisions, she makes the call. This can be difficult to hear, and even more difficult to sit with. You just have to remember she’s an adult, has all the information, and gets to make her own decision. Hopefully, she will realize that physical therapy and using her walker is the best choice for her health and wellness.
[2:36] Urinary incontinence is somewhat common among older adults — about 50% of seniors experience it either sporadically or chronically. It can be embarrassing for the senior, and your dad is likely hiding it and denying it because he’s trying to preserve his dignity.
[2:55] This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t need some help, though. Incontinence can lead to serious consequences like skin breakdown, infections, and other problems if he continues to try to manage it on his own unsuccessfully.
[3:06] Your best bet here is working with your dad’s physician. You can give the doctor a heads-up about your observations and concerns when your dad is not in the room — call the doctor ahead of time. Then, when the doctor brings it up to your dad, make sure you aren’t in the room either. This might take away some of that embarrassment and feelings of vulnerability.
[3:37] You can leave incontinence products in his bathroom, including barrier cream. You can also wash his clothes more often and leave air-freshening products in his car and home.
[3:58] Remember, denial is often a coping mechanism rooted in grief. Be gentle and patient as your dad comes around.
[4:15] Like and subscribe for more caregiving advice.
