Trying to juggle professional obligations while maintaining friendships, making time for meaningful family moments, and taking care of your own health is enough to keep the majority of us busy. But adding in helping out your aging parents with meal planning, picking up prescriptions, or tidying up? That’s enough to drive anyone into exhaustion.
If you’re taking care of your aging parents while also keeping up your job and caring for your children, you’re a member of the Sandwich Generation, a cohort of people who are adding extra caregiving tasks to their already too-busy to-do list.
The good news about being a part of the Sandwich Generation? You aren’t alone, even if you feel like it. Many 40-55 year olds are trying to figure out how to care for their kids and aging parents. The bad news about being a part of the Sandwich Generation? The sheer exhaustion, anxiety, and physical health setbacks.
But, with the right approach to self-care, you can thrive as a member of the Sandwich Generation while keeping your own mental and physical health intact. Here’s how to start ensuring you are caring for yourself.
Schedule Respite Time
Family caregivers, no matter if they provide daily personal care assistance in the home or are helping out with scheduling appointments from many miles away, need time away from their caregiving role. This respite, or rest, will ensure your body has time to reset its nervous system, catch up on sleep, and regain energy.
The problem with taking a break from caregiving is that most Sandwich Generation members don’t make the time. There is, after all, so much going on each day. However, you can make a commitment to scheduling a non-negotiable time each week to rest. You might schedule 2 hours on a Sunday to take a nap, read a book, or take a walk by yourself. No matter what you choose to do (or not do), schedule it in your calendar as you would a client meeting.
Then, take time to schedule more extensive rest each month or each quarter. This might include a weekend away with friends or a week-long vacation with your family. This absence might require a bit more planning on your part, especially if your aging parents rely on you for certain tasks. You can call in help from your other adult siblings, neighbors, or you can hire a home care agency to fill in for you while you are gone.
Start Therapy
If you’re not already seeing a counselor on a regular basis, it’s a great time to start. No matter how many coping skills you have, being a member of the Sandwich Generation will still test you from time to time. It’s nice to have someone on your team who can walk you through your concerns and help you navigate them, and that “someone” shouldn’t be your partner or friend. There are plenty of benefits to seeing a therapist on a regular basis, including feeling empowered and confident as you figure out what it means to watch your parent get older.
If you don’t already have a counselor or therapist, look for one near you who has experience working with adult children of older adults.
You might also look for caregiver support groups in your area, led by a trained facilitator. Begin by looking for groups through your local hospital or senior living community. Online groups are also available, but be sure to try an in-person session or two as well, as there is value in meeting face-to-face with others who are in the midst of family caregiving as well.
Take a Walk
Daily movement, whether a walk around your neighborhood, lifting weights in your garage, or doing yoga at a local studio, can set you up well for the mental and physical strain caregiving can take. You’ll feel better after exercise, thanks to all of those endorphins, and you’ll reap the physical health benefits of lower blood pressure, a boosted immune system, and a healthier heart.
If you struggle to find a time to exercise in the midst of your busy day, take it bit by bit. Can you walk for 15 minutes during your lunch break, or can you try dancing while you make dinner? Every bit of movement helps, and the more you notice how you feel after a movement session, the more likely you are to do it again.
Focus on Sleep
While a good night’s sleep might seem elusive in the midst of raising kids, managing the stress of caregiving, and hormonal changes that come with getting older, your sleep habits have never been more important. Getting consistent, quality sleep will help you cope with stress, stay physically healthy, and reset your coping skills to handle what life throws at you the next day.
Begin by establishing good nighttime habits. Stay off your phone for at least 1 hour before bed, and keep your phone out of your bedroom. Try reading in bed for 15 minutes and aim to crawl under the sheets around the same time each day. Give your mind cues that it is time to wind down by sticking with the same routine, such as washing your face, getting into pajamas, writing in your journal, and reading. Try a nighttime meditation to see if that aids in relaxing and winding down for the evening. The more you can remain consistent, the more likely you’ll be getting quality sleep each night.
Ask for Help
Finally, you cannot navigate your time in the Sandwich Generation alone. Learn to ask for help before you become exhausted and sick. Delegate tasks to your partner, your older kids, your neighbors, and your siblings. You should also keep your primary care physician updated on your caregiving role, as they can keep their eyes out for signs of caregiver burnout, depression, and anxiety.
Take care of yourself so that you can take care of others.
