Video Transcript
[0:00] Welcome to Caregiver SOS by Bay Alarm Medical. My name is Haley Burress. I’m a caregiving expert here to talk about the ugly side of caregiving that no one else talks about — the most frustrating and challenging parts of caring for an aging family member, and how to get through it.
[0:15] Let’s tackle a question for those family caregivers with siblings. “I’m the primary caregiver for my mom because I live the closest, but also because I am organized and can take care of a lot on my plate. But my siblings are of no help. I feel like they just dump everything on me and expect me to handle it. What can I do?”
[0:44] Family issues are magnified and relationships can become strained when the matriarch or patriarch begins to get older and experience some challenges. In this situation, I’d like to start out by giving your siblings the benefit of the doubt. They may not realize how much you are doing on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis for your mom. If they have never been in the trenches with you, they may not think you’re helping as much as you actually are.
[1:05] If this is the case, you want to do your best to educate them about how much support your mom actually needs. The easiest way to do this is to write down a list of everything you do for your mom. Include the big things like shopping for her groceries and taking her to doctor appointments, but also include the smaller things like calling about insurance discrepancies, ordering medications for refill every three months, and answering the phone each night when your mom calls to talk because she’s lonely.
[1:37] Then host a family gathering with your siblings to review this list. Don’t bring your mom. Just keep it to the siblings and approach it as an educational opportunity for them. Don’t be angry. Try to give them the benefit of the doubt. When they see how much you are doing for your mom, it will help them understand why you’re asking for help.
[2:00] Then ask for help with those specific tasks. Don’t just say, “I need your help.” Instead, take your list that you’ve written down and ask for help with each specific task. Can your sister be in charge of ordering medications and any insurance follow-up calls? Can your brother take care of ordering online groceries? Get creative and brainstorm together so that everyone pitches in.
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